Paprika Gets Spicy

Paprika and Pepper are leaving on July first to spend the rest of the summer with The First and Boo. Mr. Morton and I will met them half way between our homes. Most summers, The First has the children through the entire summer break except for two weeks. This summer, she was too busy with her clients and asked to wait until July.

Mr. Morton would tell you that any time that Paprika and Pepper don't have to be with The First is a good time. I, however, really needed a break. I love them to death but I want some us time. We get very little time to be a couple and I've been craving it. So, when she decided to back out of the first month of summer, I was crushed.

Now, Paprika wants to not go at all. She is actually begging us to let her stay here. We've done everything to get her to understand that she has already escaped four weeks and that there is nothing more we can do. However, she will not listen to us. In fact, she told her therapist today that if she goes she will just run away.

It seems when Paprika turned ten, she started to really hate going to The First's house. We immediately started taking her to therapy. Unfortunately, the only reason we get is that her friends aren't there. I, being a pretty social person, understand this reasoning. Everyone else seems to think she is hiding something.

So, we've started the count down and she is freaking out. I finally had to grab my purse and leave the house for awhile. Mr. Morton assured me that things were better but I'm not new to this rodeo. I know it is temporary situation until she actually leaves.

The thing is, it is hard to feel sorry for her because I so need the break. It makes me feel horribly guilty and then I get upset that I feel guilty. I wonder if anyone else ever feels this way.

Dreams Die

When I married Mr. Morton, I knew that my dreams of having a baby were gone. He was very upfront about not wanting more children. I thought a lot about this before we got married. I'd always thought I'd have three or four children. As a little girl, I dreamed of my wedding day, my house, and my children. I, always, wanted to be a mother.

So, when I fell in love with a ready made family, I knew that my dreams were going to change. We talked about the future and he was very clean about his desire to not have more children. He promised to share his children completely with me and I decided that would be enough.

I have, as of this point, not been sorry I made that decision. Having Paprika and Pepper are not the same as having my own children. In fact, often, I feel like the stranger in my own family. They have memories as a family that does not include me. In those moments, I wonder what it would have been like to be Mrs. Morton the first instead of Mrs. Morton II.

How It Happened

I was 25 years old when I got divorced. I managed to secure a marriage with Liar that lasted all of one year and three months. In reality, it was unraveling by day eight. However, I stuck it out as long as possible mostly to not have to hear my mother tell me about how she always hated him. I lasted one year. Three months is how long it took to get the divorce over.

I actually locked him out on our anniversary. He called from the office telling me he had to go out with a client and wouldn't be able to make dinner but he'd make it up to me that night when he got home. I'd become very well aware of "dinner with a client" was code for going on a date with another woman. I called friends and they had the locks changed and deadbolts on the door before he got home. Three people stayed all night with me but honestly, Liar didn't put up much of a fight. He tried the locks. I told him it was over. He shrugged and left. I think his lack of caring at that point was harder to swallow then all the rest of the pain.

Six months later, my friend, Paulette, asked if I was ready to date again. I laughed HARD. Dating was about the last thing I had any interest in doing. She called tried again a month later. She had the perfect man for me. I relented. I relented mostly to get her to stop telling me how perfect this man was for me.

Mr. Morton showed up on time with flowers. He opened my car door. He listened to my words. He let me go first. He treated me like a million dollars. We talked for hours that first date. He told me about Paprika and Pepper. I'd be lying if I wasn't freaking out over his children. At the point I met Mr. Morton, he'd been a single parent for seven years. His children were 8 and 9 years old.

We dated for six months before Mr. Morton asked, no begged, me to consider marrying him. Agreeing to be Mrs. Morton II was the smartest thing I've done in my life. Each day I spend with him is the best day of my life. I just wish we'd found each other before there was The First or Liar.

Mr. Morton is my everything.

Holy Smokes!

My sister-in-law just scared me to death. I was so excited about having this blog and having a secret place to write about The First and Liar. I started writing my little heart out. Then, she screamed and then I screamed.

Apparently this computer keeps secret information in forms and she left a comment on a blog and it had my information. The biggest problem... her blog is not a secret to anyone in the family. They all read it, google it, search around for her comments, they do whatever they can to find her words.... so if they found her there, I'd be next.

So what did I do... I deleted all my posts quickly. I didn't even think, just DELETE. CRAP.... I don't need my mother calling me telling me about "dirty laundry in public" or "why do you want the whole world to know what an ass you married the first time?" or any of the other totally unhelpful things she'd utter out of her mouth.

But, the nice lady at the other blog deleted the comment and I feel safe in coming back to the big picture. A place of my own... a tiny piece of cyberspace where I can be the second Mrs. Morton with pride.