Resting On Monday

I took the day for myself today.  I almost never ever do this.  However, my stress level has been so high and I really needed a break.  I'm tired of being at the bottom of every one's list.  Mr. Morton was so busy with work recently that he hadn't noticed how stressed out I've been.  At least he didn't notice until I broke into tears because I dropped a glass while doing dishes.  I cried like a baby and ended up sitting on the kitchen floor bawling for a half hour.  Afterwards, I decided it was time to take a mental health day.

I went to see a movie.  I stopped at the library and picked up two books.  I had lunch with my girlfriend.  When I got home, I took a nice long bath and had a glass of wine.  When I got out, Mr. Morton had dinner ready, the table set, and the kids were nowhere to be found.  Apparently, he spent the better half of the day calling favors from the kids' friends' parents.  

It was the most perfect day and if I could, I'd do the whole damn thing over again tomorrow.

Extra Hot Sauce

Mr. Morton sent Pepper over to help Mustard with her yard yesterday. My ex-sister-in-law lives down the street from us. At the play the other day, she mentioned that she needed to mow the yard but never seemed to have enough time in her day. One of the things I love most about Mr. Morton is that he is always willing to help others.

I was making dinner when Mr. Morton came in yesterday after sending Pepper down the street and picked up the phone. I heard him tell my brother that he'd sent the kids down to help with Mustard's yard. I heard him say that it wasn't sides we were picking. He explained that we love Brother and we love Mustard and that while they are divorced we have feelings for both. He then asked if Brother and Sauce would like to come to dinner this week-end. AND HE SAID YES!

So here I am having to pretend that I'm not royally pissed off at Sauce. I have made a lovely dinner plan and Paprika made a great salad. Despite what The First and Sauce think... I am not a horrible person. I think it sucks that I have to prove this over and over again.

My Brother and His New Wife Are Idiots!

I have to say that it has been a long few days here at the old Spice Rack! The First has been full of parenting ideas but doesn't wish to actually follow through with any of them. Apparently, that is to be my job. Boo seems to have decided that he can change around all kinds of computer accounts that Mr. Morton sat up for the kids because he "works in the IT field". He's managed to wipe out much of the history and several parental controls in a matter of moments.

To make matters worse, I got a stupid email from my brother's new wife (Sauce) . She's upset because I still communicate with my brother's first wife (Mustard). Apparently, I'm weakening the new wife's position. Sauce negates that for the ten years that my brother was married to Mustard, I lived down the street from them and became very close to Mustard. In fact, I'd venture to say that my relationship with Mustard is stronger and was always stronger than the relationship I had/have with my brother.

My niece, Hotdog, and my nephew, Hamburger, invited me over to see their summer camp play. My brother never mentioned the play or even that the kids were in camp. So, Mr. Morton and I decided to go to the play to see the kids. When we got there, Mustard was sitting with her parents and we quickly slipped in next to her.

My brother and Sauce showed up 15 minutes into the play and huffed over to sit behind us. My beloved brother leaned in and asked what I was doing here. I told him the kids invited us and why had he not said something about this. Sauce and my brother left without saying goodbye to Mr. Morton or myself. In fact, they acknowledged the kids with a drive-by hug and were out of there.

Now, my mother and Sauce are both upset because of the situation. Sauce is upset because she doesn't feel I value her place in the family. My mother is upset because my brother mentioned that he doesn't know if family events can happen because of my misplaced loyalty. It is all a crock of shit.

Mr. Morton keeps telling me to continue doing as I'm doing. I did decide to make a bigger effort to start talking to my brother directly. However, I called twice last night and he didn't pick up either time. He called back this morning on my cell phone and left a message saying he was busy and he'd call in a few weeks. UGH!!!!!!!!!!

Sometimes, I wonder who the hell he thinks he is! Either way, I'm sure Mustard is going to start taking a small step backwards in my life and that I may never forgive Sauce for that fact.

Stepmother Trouble

Evil Stepmothers!

I was talking to my friend yesterday. We were talking about image. For example, stepmothers have a horrible image in the media. The truth is, I'm an evil stepmother. If you talk to The First, she'd make a long list of everything I do wrong for Paprika and Pepper. In fact, I received an email recently on why Paprika hates me; written from The First's perspective.

However, if you talk to Mr. Morton, I'm the perfect stepmother. I do and say everything according the the great book of mother rules. In his eyes, there is little I could improve. At least, this is what he responded back to me when I forwarded The First's perceptions.

What I decided to do, sit down with Paprika and talk to her about our relationship. She does not think I'm evil nor does she think I'm perfect. In fact, she referred to my logic as flawed. We talked about where I could improve and where she could improve to make things better. All in all, I felt much better after talking to her.

Yet the truth is, I am an evil stepmother. The bigger truth, I am doing a pretty good job at this parenting thing.

Paprika Gets Spicy

Paprika and Pepper are leaving on July first to spend the rest of the summer with The First and Boo. Mr. Morton and I will met them half way between our homes. Most summers, The First has the children through the entire summer break except for two weeks. This summer, she was too busy with her clients and asked to wait until July.

Mr. Morton would tell you that any time that Paprika and Pepper don't have to be with The First is a good time. I, however, really needed a break. I love them to death but I want some us time. We get very little time to be a couple and I've been craving it. So, when she decided to back out of the first month of summer, I was crushed.

Now, Paprika wants to not go at all. She is actually begging us to let her stay here. We've done everything to get her to understand that she has already escaped four weeks and that there is nothing more we can do. However, she will not listen to us. In fact, she told her therapist today that if she goes she will just run away.

It seems when Paprika turned ten, she started to really hate going to The First's house. We immediately started taking her to therapy. Unfortunately, the only reason we get is that her friends aren't there. I, being a pretty social person, understand this reasoning. Everyone else seems to think she is hiding something.

So, we've started the count down and she is freaking out. I finally had to grab my purse and leave the house for awhile. Mr. Morton assured me that things were better but I'm not new to this rodeo. I know it is temporary situation until she actually leaves.

The thing is, it is hard to feel sorry for her because I so need the break. It makes me feel horribly guilty and then I get upset that I feel guilty. I wonder if anyone else ever feels this way.

Dreams Die

When I married Mr. Morton, I knew that my dreams of having a baby were gone. He was very upfront about not wanting more children. I thought a lot about this before we got married. I'd always thought I'd have three or four children. As a little girl, I dreamed of my wedding day, my house, and my children. I, always, wanted to be a mother.

So, when I fell in love with a ready made family, I knew that my dreams were going to change. We talked about the future and he was very clean about his desire to not have more children. He promised to share his children completely with me and I decided that would be enough.

I have, as of this point, not been sorry I made that decision. Having Paprika and Pepper are not the same as having my own children. In fact, often, I feel like the stranger in my own family. They have memories as a family that does not include me. In those moments, I wonder what it would have been like to be Mrs. Morton the first instead of Mrs. Morton II.

How It Happened

I was 25 years old when I got divorced. I managed to secure a marriage with Liar that lasted all of one year and three months. In reality, it was unraveling by day eight. However, I stuck it out as long as possible mostly to not have to hear my mother tell me about how she always hated him. I lasted one year. Three months is how long it took to get the divorce over.

I actually locked him out on our anniversary. He called from the office telling me he had to go out with a client and wouldn't be able to make dinner but he'd make it up to me that night when he got home. I'd become very well aware of "dinner with a client" was code for going on a date with another woman. I called friends and they had the locks changed and deadbolts on the door before he got home. Three people stayed all night with me but honestly, Liar didn't put up much of a fight. He tried the locks. I told him it was over. He shrugged and left. I think his lack of caring at that point was harder to swallow then all the rest of the pain.

Six months later, my friend, Paulette, asked if I was ready to date again. I laughed HARD. Dating was about the last thing I had any interest in doing. She called tried again a month later. She had the perfect man for me. I relented. I relented mostly to get her to stop telling me how perfect this man was for me.

Mr. Morton showed up on time with flowers. He opened my car door. He listened to my words. He let me go first. He treated me like a million dollars. We talked for hours that first date. He told me about Paprika and Pepper. I'd be lying if I wasn't freaking out over his children. At the point I met Mr. Morton, he'd been a single parent for seven years. His children were 8 and 9 years old.

We dated for six months before Mr. Morton asked, no begged, me to consider marrying him. Agreeing to be Mrs. Morton II was the smartest thing I've done in my life. Each day I spend with him is the best day of my life. I just wish we'd found each other before there was The First or Liar.

Mr. Morton is my everything.